All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
