Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
