margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
