perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
