Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize