You really coming over, don't trick.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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