I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
