Taylor Swift is so right about you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
