Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
