Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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