the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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