Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
