I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
