got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
