Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
