the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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