all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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