here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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