I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
