WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
