Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize