You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
