i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
