It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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