people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
