pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
