I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize