all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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