It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
