no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
