I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is my gift to your gina
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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