So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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