May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
