actually, I'm a sock model
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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