***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize