just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize