if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She bit a glass in half.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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