i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
