I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize