I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
