He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize