6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize