Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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