Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
