you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
