Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
