I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
