Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
