everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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