She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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