All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize