as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
