i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
