sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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