She is in my trunk
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
