Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
