i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
