Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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