Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
