Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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