wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
