i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
